Do You Appear Mean-Spirited, Bitter and Ugly?

Unfortunately this can and does happen in cyberspace and in the eye of the public. Social Media affords many benefits but it has drawbacks as well. This is the reason I find it a good practice for people to be on their best behavior when rubbing shoulders with crowds, especially on the Internet. You never know when they might decide to turn on you.

Airing ones’ dirty laundry for the world to see, making a public spectacle of someone else, doing your best to tear down a reputation is abhorrent and downright cruel. Shame on you for not handling the matter in a more circumspect manner. In private. In a civilized way. Championing a few by acting as leader of a disgruntled and bold bunch might be perceived as bravery, but it can also be perceived as weakness and cowardice. Two wrongs do not make a right. Move on and get over it. If you cannot forgive then discuss it quietly among yourselves. Don’t let things get out of hand. If you’ve moved on … well then … move on!

Theresa H Hall

Freelance Writer & Independent Contractor  

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21 thoughts on “Do You Appear Mean-Spirited, Bitter and Ugly?

  1. Well said.

    I completely agree with you. Gossiping, speaking meanly about someone even when it’s true (nazis excepted) and jumping on the ‘bash and hurt’ bandwagon is destructive and contagious.

    • Most of the time, there is only part of a story being discussed and this imbalance usually incites the water fountain mentality. Being spiteful, even if what you spout has truth in it, does not reflect well on the person using the Internet as a platform.

      I always feel we should do our best to try to encourage others especially when there are difficult times or disagreements. We usually pull through the situations, and then sit down and calmly discuss the problems in order to resolve them in an amicable way. Rancor is unnecessary to make a point.

    • Most likely because they understand the value in building up rather than tearing down.

      Many Native Americans were smart about smoking the Peace Pipe. What a good idea. Might be better to serve brownies though since we now know the smoking bit is harmful.

      We need to use our words wisely and with good intentions. It’s harder to set a good example than to run with the pack.

      People make mistakes and sometimes forgiveness is all that is needed in order to move forward into better circumstances.

  2. I am very impressed by this blog! I have had to make decisions online not to see open hostile behavior.This was far and away the worst temper tantrum EVER!!! based in assumption, and lack of class…it is a shame that none of this was done in private! its called EM…using FB publicly was just tacky…I said it to those I am speaking of and I will say it again….LET GO!! BECAUSE IN A MONTH IT WILL BE FORGOTTEN AND SO WILL THEY and then your just left with yourself and maybe a really bad pair of shoes to go with it!!! great post…xoxoxoxoxo

    • Liane,

      You are so very right. What is news today (according to some), will be but a dismal and dim memory of bad and spoilt behavior. FaceBook, Twitter can be used to spread gossip but it is unfortunate when it is. It has a way of boomeranging on those that set out to hurt. Wouldn’t it be great if everyone involved came to their senses and got over their righteous platforms, overcame their perceived hurt feelings, admitted there was folly and bad behavior on their parts … and apologized?

      It takes real backbone to say sorry for dragging your name through the muck. Bullies can be good people, too. Just misguided. What would Jesus do? It wouldn’t be promoting that sordid and vindictive article, which was written with dark force. Let the light in is what I say.

  3. LOL!!!! oh m y Sweet T I adore you so very much…I was thinking of this when I woke up this morning,thats how appalled I am!!! but other things had been written dubiously and without proper behavior so I called my kick ass attorney in SF. he fights big boys like GE and the like (wrongful deaths) from asbestos and I asked him a few things, you would be surprised!!! it turns out that the mighty loins who roar together would be reduced to little mice…it is dark and very narcissistic..

    ….there is a story using a light bulb as the analogy, Some of us get a charge off the light bulb with our hateful thoughts and doings and when the bulbs bursts we really feel good ……for a moment , and then we are in the dark!

  4. Theresa you have just given a great example of what you seem to be against by posting this, except from your side of the story, as someone who I’ve seen marked down on BC as an ‘employee’. There was no bitterness involved here, at least not on my part. Berkman is inconsequential to me; I am paid to write for a living. I wrote for Broowaha for free mainly because of the other writers involved who then had to go through. This is about accountability for your actions, treating people as if they are simply disposable if they do not succumb to your way of thinking and allow themselves to be threatened by lawsuits. And Lianne you are right, as I have said before to others, this article will probably be used to wrap tomorrow’s virtual fish and chips. But some people have already taken the step of deactivating their accounts on Broowaha after reading and forming their own opinion. This article was written with the facts not my opinion on the matter, and if you can read that article, look at the facts and think, “yeah that is the way I want people to be treated, and I’m am going to continue to contribute and allow people to be treated in this manner by supporting the owners.”

    Lianne, as for the attorney you mentioned – my legal fees are paid by the British Association of Journalists, of which I am a member, so your remark about “reduced to little mice’ holds no threat to me.

    • GARRY? I really am so glad you are taken care of by the British Association however in the end it wont be them who decides it will be a judge, I really don’t think you understand how this works. And please don’t write back with another rant, defending your actions. As for the pied piper story of others leaving, shut up!!!! its getting old and I think I am in the mood for fish and chips …but I did want to send you a congratulations on being a paid writer, for the rest???? what you wrote WAS uncalled for!!!! period!!!! and it makes you look like a child having a tantrum….oh I was unaware….does the British Asso. cover blogs??? hmmm I wonder what a judge would say…oh thats right I do…so before we go any further with this nonsense lets agree to disagree yes…enjoy Scotland.:)

    • Silly Garry you underestimate others terribly,some know more that you think they do….my dear I am so glad you felt so worthy to be the judge and jury .about things you really know nothing about..LOL its OK its just a voluminous amount of EGO!…….. on a blog…… so enjoy!

      (“my legal fees are paid by the British Association of Journalists, of which I am a member, so your remark about “reduced to little mice’ holds no threat to me.”)

      WOW! good for you..and will they be paying for your airfare and attorney too? WOW! fantastic you really are brave!

  5. Mr. Crystal:

    When a social network is used as a place to hold a public fight, it is good to have both sides of the story before you try to defame anyone. What you did was uncalled for and spiteful. You “Fourteen” couldn’t simply leave a site that you had grown tired of, you just had to be mean and cruel and put private information into cyberspace, for all to see how clever and devious you really and truly are.

    I would appreciate your not returning to my site and inferring I am in the employee of anyone. I am a freelance writer and an independent contractor. I wrote about public decency and behavior. Unlike you, I did not name names. These matters you have unveiled are but half of the story and should have been discussed either on the writing site or privately. You just had to try to tear down something you no longer want to be a part of. Sad but true. You “Fourteen” should start your own site and hang out together. You do not need to seek to add others to your side. That is the spiteful and betrayal of confidence part that is so disappointing. Things said in confidence should not be used as ammunition to hurt another. Trust is broken, Mistakes have been made and everyone should simply Shut It!

    And one more thing do not come to my wonderful blog and mince words with me. You’re on my turf and I do not like the likes of you. I have a stellar reputation … not to be tarnished by you or anyone else. So Back Off!

  6. Teressa, Actually Garry did make an honest attempt to solicit Tony’s side of the story and Tony’ lashed out at Garry and called him a “pussy”. That is not only a fact, but in my opinion, represents the character of the person you are defending and wish to associate yourself with.

    As for the so called defamation, Tony has clearly made himself a public figure and Garry presenting his perspective of the events that caused the flight of now some 20 writers is actually a little thing we call in the U.S. “free-speech.” If you don’t like Garry’s opinion and wish for folks to just “shut-up”, than you shouldn’t have perpetuated the debate in the first place.

    But, that is just my opinion.

    • I’ll say it again. Two wrongs do not make a right.

      Two years ago, BrooWaha was sold and the new owners reached out to the writers. They seemed a spoiled bunch and created havoc and unrest in the Newsroom over and over. In fact there were many arguments and fights and tyranny. The fact that BrooWaha wasn’t the same was fuel for the insurrections by the writers who felt they had been betrayed first: by having their site sold, and secondly: that the new owners had the unmitigated gaul to try to change things up. I watched most of it unfold over those first few months and indeed, I felt so sickened by the spitefulness at times, that I could barely write there. The endless argumentative bad behavior of some of the gang was really off-putting! It was so dissonant, unpleasant and not professional. Calling the chat room the Newsroom was folly to begin with.

      Now, I will say here that I do not agree with what has happened over the past (what?) couple of months. In fact, I was not present for much of it because it simply turned me off and I backed off. This has happened many times here-and-there over the past twenty-four months, and I figured it would blow over. The fact that the people given the opportunity to write columns had their noses out of joint, was just another boring and tiresome circumstance and I, as many others, viewed it as bad behavior of the band of old writers crying the blues. I had been told that there might be an insurrection, that they had had it … and such. I shrugged my shoulders over the rumors that flew. I find when people jump onto a bandwagon, they will repeat things that may not be true. Or, because they do not want to be discounted from their newly-formed friendships, that they will go along with situations.

      Again … I frown on bullying and ganging up on people. And this seems to be a lot of what happened and then some unwise choices were made … and there was hurt that a certain writer was allowed to write questionable articles. I did not like them, so I refrained from noticing them. (Free-Speech)

      Let me say here that I truly believe that some untruths were circulated, and because they had been repeated over and over, they were then believable. I am certain of this.

      Because there was a disagreement between certain parties, they should have kept them private. And if I were in the same position, I might have requested some of the writers go elsewhere. BrooWaha could have been so much better than the old gang allowed it to be, because they liked their sessions where they could talk-down the owners … nothing was going to please them. It was pretty sad.

      Remember under it all … we are just people and sometimes poor decisions are made on both sides. You all seem to believe none of this was your doing. Not you, especially Dean, but the reason I am writing to you, is that this whole post written by G.C. was done with the pure intention of trying to hurt someone else … make an example of them, and while I do not approve of what was done and who said what to whom, I absolutely loathe the fact that this was presented on FaceBook by a group of people, many of whom I regarded as friends, who had decided to take it to a larger arena … and for what purpose? To hurt others. And that is what I found abhorrent.

      I do not condone any of it and I have to forgive the mistakes that have been made by all parties, because a battle should have never reached the airwaves in such a terrible way. I found it to be mean-spirited, bitter and ugly. So very very sad!

      Let me ask you if you have ever been hurt, angry and said something you later regretted? We are all human and If I disassociated myself from anyone who had ever called someone else a jerk, a dick, a pussy, then I would not have many friends, relatives or associates. Most everyone has cursed at someone and perhaps later regretted it.

      One matter that I do not like is that people want to judge me for remaining on BrooWaha and my favorite site in the world BlogCatalog. I was upset by the BrooWaha mentality of this, but when BlogCatalog was brought into the article I had had Enough. I am a very satisfied long-time member of this wonderful site and shall remain so.

      I will add that since the grand exodus on BrooWaha, there has been an influx of new writers and articles being published. It’ll never be a perfect site, but there have been no arguments or meanness in the Newsroom (cafe), which is so refreshing.

      Many of the writers that left were some of the ones that made trouble in the comments, the Newsroom and sometimes behind the scenes. Some of them were the very writers that people had complained to me about.

      Personally, I believe everyone should let it go, stop hating and feeling like your clubhouse has been deconstructed. It takes people to stand together and build their community and because there wasn’t a lot of that going on at BrooWaha, then are you really going to point accusing fingers at just the owners? Are you so easy when you look in the mirror to see that there is no guilt on one or more of your parts?

      Two wrongs do not make a right, and perhaps a white flag should be waved, and regrets put away and we try to love one another.

      Life is short and if you believe in the Mayan Calendar, then we only have thirteen months left. Perhaps we need to try again, move on, forgive and respect one another. This is what Jesus would do, so I will bow to His Teachings.

      I wrote what I did because someone had to show you guys that in this world of negativity, we need to do out best to spread the love.

      I love you all … this is the reason all of this hurt so very much. Peace.

  7. Theresa

    This is the last time I will comment on this. I’m not going to comment on what Lianne said above because it is ramblings and not worth replying to except that her legal threats are simply parroting the Blogcatalog owners and as I said legal action holds absolutely no fear for me at all.

    Theresa you commented on my blog and I allowed it to stay, it’s free speech. If you want to, simply delete my comments on here.

    I am not here to judge people. My hope is that the BC/Broowaha owners will think about how they been behaving and change their attitude although I highly doubt that as they do not want any conversation on the matter, they would rather silence people with legal threats. None of the writers in the 14 was ‘tired’ of Broowaha, most of them were in the top ten most popular writers, one of them, Bill Friday, was number two in the most popular writers.

    I have seen your name on Blogcatalog answering member’s queries with the word ‘employee’ next to it. Or is your name now Theresa Hall Employee?

    And as for setting myself up as judge – are you writing articles of this nature on the many others who have been written articles on their blogs complaining about Blogcatalog. If you haven’t then I can give you a list because there are plenty of them, not connected to the 14 writers, way before I decided to write this article.

    Theresa I know you as a nice person, one who would rather people did not act in this way. Unfortunately the world doesn’t work like that. When people are being treated without common respect, lied to and threatened with lawsuits for simply having an opinion then it is not enough just to try and pretend it doesn’t exist or to ignore it in the hope it will go away. If people say nothing then this allows others to continue to benefit from their disreputable actions. I would rather that article did not exist so that I didn’t have to be reminded of what went on there at a place I used to enjoy being a member of.

    “You have to get in the middle of it. You have to take sides. Make a contribution to the fight. Any fight. The one you believe in. Until you do, you’ll never be a writer,” – Neil Simon.

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