I spent the last days camped out beside my Mother’s bed. These last hours are the ones still raw, still fresh and are with me even now. Recited prayers, combing her hair, watching her chest move rapidly, her breath steady yet quick. I read her favorite passages of scripture and prayed the prayers she taught us as children, I talked to her and prayed necessary words she could no longer say. I blessed her and made her as comfortable as I could, I tried to keep her with me, but I knew I must let her go. My heart is heavy now, as I recall the tearing sounds that echoed through my body, a silent screaming of denial, a child’s pleading with the universe to guide her way. I asked repeatedly for her to watch over me and to never forget the bond we share. I promised to find her again, and asked that she never forget me, her daughter, her last born, her true friend. I was there to bring her comfort and to hold her hands in mine, to pet her brow and to assure her she was not alone. I reminded her of our loved ones who were going to take her hand from mine and lead her to the oneness of light. I repeated the words in the same way she did for me when I was young, and I thanked her for the love she gave unconditionally, the love that is with me still. I sang her favorite songs and choked back hot tears which spilled unchecked down my sad face. And when at last she struggled from this world to the next, I lay crying against her breast one last time and said my heartfelt goodbyes. Wherever you are my sweet Mother dear, remember you are with me everyday right inside my heart. Remember me and know I promise to find you again. Love, Theresa
This is the fourth Mother’s Day without you. Wherever you are right now, Happy Mother’s Day.