In The Grip Of Silence

Just like my little VW half-hidden under the recent 2010 snows, I hide away in my little protective shell. Here I am safe. Here I can stop thinking about the world, stop dealing with leaking windows, walls and shoveling away resistant ice. Here I can try to forget about contractors and the impending reconstruction of our bedroom and our privacy. Not to mention the reality of totally uprooting my creative work schedule. I am in tilt mode. This is a safe haven where I sleep more hours than usual and I refuse to budge from my escapism tendencies.

As I face my keyboard, the blank screen does not prompt me to be anything but silent. A few words are insincere and the emotional draw does not pull me into the sentences needed to portray what I am feeling, or to be jovial and entertaining or amusing. It is as if I am sitting within the quiet sadness of my car, looking out and refusing to open the door and walk upstairs to the warm condo. I feel frozen and in the grip of silence. Inwardly I am imploding and crying out for serenity, calm, for uncomplicated routines and responsibilities. I am not alone in this.

Millions of people face what feels like insurmountable odds, the winter blues, and everyday feelings of choking sadness. Why should I be sad? I have a very good life, family, colleagues and the ability to be the creator and artist that I am. It is something I must deal with, and I refuse to medicate or drink away these dark moods, that make me feel like a marionette. Letting the hands of emotional pitfalls wield my way of thinking and jerk me from my otherwise happy existence. No, I will wait it out, deal with the everyday challenges and pick myself up by my bootstraps. I will conquer this and return to my sunny self. I will not allow this to endure any longer. I choose to be in control and to break free from the grip of silence. It’s time to bring out the blank canvass and set up my oil paints.

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About Theresa H Hall

As a professional vocalist. licensed broadcaster, artist, published poet, lyricist, writer, essayist, critic, animal lover and budding pastr View all posts by Theresa H Hall

6 responses to “In The Grip Of Silence

  • Jaffer

    On the other hand sometimes it happens that you are afraid to finish work – afraid that you don’t know what you’d want to do next ot afraid of that next project that lays waiting once the current project is finished !

  • Theresa111

    But just like housework which is never done, culinary and artistic pursuits are talents coming from within and when outside worldly things take up that space, it chokes the flow.

  • ladygourmet

    Dear Theresa,

    These are times that the Lord says, “hey use this time well”. Hugs and Blessings, Catherine

  • soulmerlin

    I can’t quite get to grips with why I have to log in to WordPress to post a comment. Fortunately I have a WordPress blog so there’s no problem (other than remembering my password) but what happens to bloggers who are with Blogspot or Typepad or whatever and not with WP?…no matter, I really enjoyed this post and the VW photo – I started by thinking it was a B/W shot, but now I’m not sure. I empathise with everything you say…I loath and have loathed leaving my warm house to go and work in cold theatres all day. and I do badly without the sunshine S.A.D to the force of 10!

    “Millions of people face what feels like insurmountable odds, the winter blues, and everyday feelings of choking sadness.”

    A perfect description

    Sorry I haven’t visited SKDD before (or so long ago I can’t remember…I’m putting it on my blogroll so I can keep track of new entries

    xhenry

  • Theresa111

    Thanks for the hugs and lovely words. You are all very kind and beautiful souls. 🙂

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