All right then, confession time. Why did I succeed and then almost fail? Wow. Now there is an eye-opening question. Time to take a good hard look Theresa. I hardly ever call myself by my given name. It is usually, I, me, myself, or because I am married, we. To say my name and then be objective about myself as the topic of this conversation, makes me want to squiggle down into my chair and become, for lack of a better word … a crab.
Yes. A crab. Pulling all of my sensitive parts underneath the protection of the hard exterior of my shell, I am safe and almost beyond reproach inside this barrier. I can peer out at the world. But the world does not understand what I am really like, deep inside. That is, unless I let it take closer inspection.
When I was younger I was demonstrative. Sometimes to the detriment of my family’s hearing, I became quite loud. I recall practicing singing with head phones encasing my head and grooving along with whatever 45 record was within reach. My sister, Mary, would walk by with her fingers in her ears pleading loudly, “Mother, tell her to stop!” This only made me practice longer and harder. For years afterward, I performed and recorded, as I did indeed master this art. Many relative, friend and stranger partied to the sound of my voice. Especially my sister, Mary.
Right after high school, I wrote poetry which gave me a place to release pent-up emotions and display a different, creative side of my nature. I ended boxing up these sonnets, song lyrics, dreams and even a few stacks of love letters. Every so often I go through them … knowing they are there anytime I might wish to dust them off.
I loved to dance and swim and for the past two decades, I have hardly done either. I worked hard at whatever job I had chosen and would only rise up so far in that field. I didn’t have a degree, but I could do the work. I simultaneously performed through these years of working day jobs. Having something to fall back on was insurance.
Then I dated and married my husband, a prince among men, but who is so unlike me and at the same time so similar, too. A contradiction of natures. So I suppose opposites really do attract. He is a strong man and most of the time he rules his home with such a quiet quality that you would never know that I am not the one in charge. I have much respect for this gentleman. My friend. But he can be hardheaded at times. Cannot we all?
Well, then I obtained my broadcasting license but did not pursue this field, at least not yet. I did some voice over and sang some jingles, but because my Mother had a terrible fall the summer of 1989, everything in my life changed.
A few years later, I decided to quit smoking and having not much to do with my hands, began painting and creating this way. I do art work in my head almost everyday, probably because there is no mess to clean up. Painting is dirty work, but so rewarding.
Three years ago, I was accepted and later graduated from the number four culinary school in the USA. That was one of my favorite things I have ever done. But the strain of my sweet Mother going through her illness was always following me about, like thunder clouds. Then I chose to work at one of the most difficult and busy Hotels in Washington, DC. By the time I left there, I had put in almost two years and still in mourning over my Mother’s passing, I was feeling as exhausted as I have never felt before. So I escaped to my lair.
Being a Leo, with a Scorpio ascendant, a moon in Libra and a Venus in Cancer, I went into my cocoon, licking my wounds and feeling as if all of my culinary dreams were torn apart. At the hotel, there was nothing of the beauty I learned in my French Pastry Arts school. In fact, my Chef would have been troubled by the cruel treatment I had received. My dreams of edible art had been squashed. Flat. But real dreams have a way of rising up out of the ashes.
Six week later, I emerged a very timid and almost beaten artist and heard the keyboard of my Apple iMac calling out to me. I was Divinely directed to the World of Blogging and allowed myself to converse with talented and like minded individuals, who are perfect in their own special ways. Every one of them were sharing their talents, no matter how cruelly the world had chewed them up and spat them out. I found a new family and together we support one another.
Now, I come back around to whence I began. Everything you have done to develop yourself, up to this very minute, is what has helped you to become the unique individual that you are. Do not let the world rob you of your dreams! Set your goals for this year as high as you can. Be all that you can be and do not listen to the little voice in your head that tells you,”You are too fat, or your opinion doesn’t count, or you know you will never be as good as all that.”
Take all of the bits and pieces you have worked on and forge a new direction or enforce the path you are on. Know that we all have talents and even old bruises do eventually fade away, leaving us a new canvas, upon which to draw our futures and cherish our talents.
Manhattan from Staten Island, originally uploaded by Theresa111.
